The UK Guild of Handymen

As most people know, “Birmingham screwdriver” is actually a reference to a hammer. It seems to be a little dig and the good folk of Birmingham [locally Brumagem] implying that perhaps they lack a little sophistication.

I’m from nearby Solihull but have always lived locally to Birmingham and I can say that there is some truth in this urban myth.

As a child I remember watching a master carpenter from Brum (who lived two doors from me) fixing a metal window casement into a wooden surround. With great precision he took several screws and whacked each into place through the fixing holes in the metal and into the pinewood frame with a single hammer blow.

When I inquired about his use of the hammer and suggested surely that was what screwdrivers were for, he replied with a grin “No them’s fa tekking screws out.”

The edges where baths and shower trays meet the wall and sundry crevices around enclosures can be the very devil to seal. If it is done properly at the beginning you should have no problems. But when a tell-tale damp patch appears on the ceiling of the level underneath you know you’ve got trouble. From experience it is not always obvious where the water is getting through.

Showers over the bath are a nightmare because water can get round the holes where the bath taps are fitted particularly if the taps are not located centrally in the generous sized hole provided. Also water likes to get around shower screens wherever possible. Children in showers is also a common cause water getting everywhere!

If your seal has failed the best thing is to start again by cutting away the old stuff rather than trying to add more sealant over the top of the old. Ensure the edges are dried properly before you reseal.

Sealant can often pull away if the bath settles which can happen over time but more often happens every time the bath is filled and occupied. For this reason always fill the bath with water before you seal around and leave it filled until the sealant has cured.

Dodgy tile grouting can also be to blame for water getting under a shower tray or bath.

And the quality of the silicone itself is extremely variable. Some sealants sold by DIY outlets isn’t silicone at all but a poor equivalent. Others are of low grade and can quickly become blackened by mould due to the damp.

A brand called Forever White I have found particularly good and long-lasting.

Also there is Everbuild Plumbers Gold which is an STPA polymer so not strictly silicone.  It’s actually not gold but comes in white or clear. While I don’t find it easy to smooth out because of it’s very sticky consistency, it produces a formidably waterproof and long-lasting seal that typically last five or six times longer than silicone and seems impervious to mould. With this stuff it is likely you’ll need masking tape in order to produce a neat edge to your seal but it is worth the extra aggrevation.

Life must be fairly easy for a door, it only has two things to do—it must open and it must shut.

However it is astonishing how much can go wrong.

Doors swell (due to atmospheric moisture), or settlement in the house or newly fitted carpets or successive layers of paint mean a door can stop fitting the frame or will cause it to scrape somewhere.

If this isn’t addressed as a matter of urgency then the door will strain against the hinges which can wear excessively, or perhaps be pulled from, or split their fixing point.

Painting hinges, or never oiling them, also causes strain with possible knock on effects.

Doors can be ‘hinge bound’ in a number of ways causing them not to shut properly. Doors can rub the door stop, be set with insufficient gap at the hinged edge, the hinges can be badly rebated or oversized screw heads can all create a springing open effect.

And then there are possible problems with the latch which can not align, or the gap be too large for it to engage in the keep, or the gap be so small that the knob or handle fails to withdraw the latch to open the door.

Another common problem with the lightweight pressed panel doors is failing to observe the ‘lock’ edge which is where a block of wood in constructed into the door. If you use this edge for the hinges then you’ll end up trying to fix handles into fresh air underneath the hardboard skin of the door.

Common mortice lever locks are locks where the key has a number of stepped notches which, when the key is first turned, engage with a set of levers within the lock case. When all the levers are correctly raised the key can turn fully and operate the lock.

Many people don’t understand the importance of the number of levers and why insurers usually specify a 5-lever lock. For a lock to be accredited with BS3621:1998 standard, it is recognised as giving the maximum protection generally available to a premises. Many insurance companies recognise this and reduce their premiums accordingly, while others will provide cover only if such locks are fitted.

For a lock to be awarded BS3621:1998 it has to achieve the following criteria;
• At least 1000 different key patterns (differs) and 999 different locks must be made before any key pattern can be used again.
• There must be at least 5 moveable levers used. If fewer than 9 levers are fitted there must be additional anti-picking precautions incorporated (such as false notching).
• If a key can be used on both sides of a door, both sides must offer equal security.
• Handles and knobs must not operate the bolt when deadlocked.
• Deadlocking must be effective before the key can be removed.
• The bolt must project not less than 14mm when locked.
• Both sides of the lock body must be protected by anti-drilling plates.
• Vulnerable fixing screws on all parts of the lock, cylinder and staple must be concealed or inoperable when the door is locked.

I have an expression for certain jobs — I call them ‘forever jobs’.

These are things that you can carry on doing with a continual improvement but you never really know when to stop.

Here are some examples of forever jobs.

Scarifying a lawn. This is the process of scratching out the moss and breaking down the lawn thatch (matted grass) and no matter how much you do there is always more that you can rake out.

Jet washing a drive. You get it pretty clean but you can always get it just a bit cleaner.

Paint stripping/preparation. When do you stop getting old paint off and rubbing down before you start putting on the new paint?

Do you have any forever jobs?